Saturday, November 3, 2012

The Ultimate Job Hunt

I like Elections.  Where else can you get to see hundreds of guys working around the clock to try and get one guy a job?  I think if he needs all that help for a position that isn’t even permanent, just a three or four-year contract that might not even get extended, then there's got to be something wrong with him.  

Still, when most people look for a new job say in an office, they call up Uncle Tony, look through some classifieds, and start reading Self-Help books.  Not the guys trying to get into office.  They start by WRITING a Self-Help book.  Then they round up some people, including Uncle Tony, and get them to quit the jobs they already have to come work for him in looking for work for him.

What is also nice about elections are the debates: where they lock the two guys up in a room and get them to argue.  Its about the only opportunity you will get to see job hunting get turned into a spectator event.  (Usually firms do this sort of thing too.  They put candidates in a room to argue, and they give them psychological tests and questions to mess with their minds.  Unfortunately they prefer to keep all this tomfoolery to themselves.)

What we also love about the presidential or prime ministerial race, is that the loser can't save face.  He can't just see the bad numbers as they're being tallied on election night, call the party boss and say, "Well, sorry man, did the best I could, I'm gonna head home now and have me a whisky."  No.  That will not do.  "Fraid not, pal.  You've got to go out there one last time and say that you lost."  And no matter how much running around the tricky question he has done over the course of the campaign, there's no spin he can put on his finale.  He wants to come out and say,  “Yeah, the thing is, I doubt that I could have accepted the position even if it was offered to me…it just wouldn't have fit my commitments and schedule at this time, but thank you everybody.”  Except that all those people who had quit their jobs to find him his one would feel him ungrateful and picky.  Especially Uncle Tony.